Love is a gift

Love is complicated, isn’t it? I’ve found that there are so many facets to loving and being loved!

Growing up, my parents never actually told me that they loved me - those were not words that were said in my house.

Everything my mom did was for her kids, so she showed her love through her actions - the food she cooked, the clothes she sewed, the late nights cleaning the house.

Then I met my husband - whose family says "I love you" all the time - it was a strange contrast for me! It almost felt like they said it so lightly that it could be in lieu of "hello" or "goodbye".

This is one of the ways in which my husband and I were opposites - we’ve both had to learn to acknowledge the love the other has to offer, without expecting it only in our "language". We’ve learned to express our love differently, to help the other to hear it.

With other people, I’ve also had to learn how to express my feelings. I go through times of vulnerability, when I’m afraid to say how I feel - because what if the other person doesn’t feel the same? I’ve had to learn that it’s okay to put my own feelings out there without worrying about reciprocal feelings. After all, I can only put myself out there with authenticity and honesty. Perhaps that will open the door for others to find the courage to say what they’ve been feeling too.

Then my children came along - and I felt a love I’d never experienced before! I always want them to know this love, so I’ve chosen to break with my patterns and I tell them often how much I love them.

The flip side of saying "I love you" was being able to hear "I love you" from someone. I had to love myself first in order to hear it from someone else without being embarrassed or afraid.

My kids helped me to overcome this. Their love was always so authentic and honest - I learned to see myself through their eyes. When they tell me that they love me, I always say "Thank you" - because I want to acknowledge what a gift I feel their love is.

Giving and receiving love is truly the greatest gift in this life.
Don’t leave people you care about with any doubts about your feelings for them - life is short!

(Originally published September 17, 2007)